There have been multiple times in my life

where I would much rather die. And this school year, I have been feeling very suicidal, haha! But take it as a joke, dont take me seriously. I will never kill myself. Its the suicidal feeling, that I get. Where I just want to cut, make myself pass out, or do a whole bunch of unnecessary things that will make me feel better. But then that feeling went away, cause for once, I was truly happy again, but now, its coming back. And all because of three people. -_-

I have always loved my parents. But recently , Ive been acting like such a brat. Like, seriously. When ate was like this, I told myself, I will never do that when I get older. And I dont know why, but I just get easily pissed off nowadays. IDK why. But im making that stop NOW. Our lesson in values today taught me a really valueable lesson. I need to learn to love my parents no matter what. And to top it off, Sir Val made us watch this video, it was a letter from parents to their child. And it just made me bawl, cause most of the things they said, I could relate to. Im going to stop acting like a brat. I am going to start treating them with respect. Im not saying it as if I havent respected them before, I mean I will respect them even more now. I will be appreciative and I wont slam doors anymore. I know that everything they do is for my own benefits. Not theirs, not any one elses. It just really made me bawl my eyes out when Sir Val said, You never know, the moment you go home, your parents could be gone. I just couldn't handle the thought of that. And then I thought about it some more. My parents aren't young. They are middle-aged already. Which means, I dont have much time with them. Which is why I must change. Ive been thinking about this for a long time now. I cant keep acting like the way Ive been acting recently. If my daughter treated me this way, I wouldve given her away months ago. But no. My mom has put up with it and she continues to become the strongest woman I know. I love her to death. I love them to death.

&I agree with Sir Val.

If I were to relive my life again, I would still choose my parents over anybody else's.

I dont even know whats going on anymore :( I just want to scream at the top of my lungs. I mean, yes. Being single is fun, you can talk to whoever you want. But im the type of girl who needs to be talking to someone :( Cause if I dont, I get vulnerable and I start losing all of my self confidence. I miss "talking" to guys. And as wrong as it sounds, thats just the way it is. I miss having someone to talk to every night. I miss having that someone special. I mean, when I had that someone special, I was more focused on my schoolwork. Now, I just cant seem to focus. Fuck this shit, I shouldnt even be feeling this. Its probably just the jealousy talking. Or maybe the loneliness? I want to get out of here. I want to run away. I want to go back to the bay :(

Someone save me.

Someone grab me, slap me, and tell me everythings going to be alright.

Im starting to fall for you, again

but I cant! I just cant. Cause it will cause a lot of problems :(

I dont know what to do anymore :(( I really dont want to lose you , but the way you act just makes me go crazy, to the point where I just want to break down and cry.