Day 2 — Your Crush

Haha, I don't have a crush :) But would JAMES REID count :D ? Dear James Reid, my mom agreed to let me marry you. I love you and your fuxy Australian accent. Let's elope, right now :)) haha!

Day 1 — Your Best Friend(s)

Jerome - Rawr. Nair even talk anymore. It's whatevs. I understand that you're busy doing your thing, and I'm pretty busy doing mine, but that doesn't mean that we have to completely, drift. Like damn. Wtf. I know it's been two years, but when you said that I would always be your "besst" I kind of expected you to keep in touch. It's been like, a whole fcking year since you said anything, anything at all, to me. Hmph, I guess it's just sad. Cause most of the time, I get this feeling where I long for my besst to comfort me, but I get disappointed because I know, that you won't be there for me, and I'm not sure if you're ever going to be...

JEMA - I love how you guys try to keep this friendship going. But, I seriously don't know how long we can do this. I mean, I already feel this craaaazy drift between me and Jah right now, and she's basically my best friend. So, if I have a drift with her, imagine the drift there is between me and Jah, Angel, and Aimee. I love you guys to death, and no matter what, you'll always be my best friends. Always. And it kinna hurts every time I see you guys answer formspring questions when people ask, who are your best friends, and when you guys answer, I never seem to see my name. I mean, its understandable, but, that doesnt mean that it doesnt hurt. Because every time someone asks me who my best friends are, you're all there :| I dont know. I just feel like, I don't belong? Like, I might as well not be a part of JEMA. Well, if that happened, I wouldn't know what I would do with my life. Anyways, I've just always felt this, and now seemed like a goodtime to just, let it all out (as if i haven't done it before? *scroll down*) rawr. I love you with all of my heart. And hopefully, when I visit, we can rekindle this friendship.... hopefully

30 letters.

Day 1 — Your Best Friend

Day 2 — Your Crush

Day 3 — Your parents

Day 4 —Your sibling (or closest relative)

Day 5 — Your dreams

Day 6 — A stranger

Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush

Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend

Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet

Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to

Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to

Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain

Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you

Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from

Day 15 — The person you miss the most

Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country

Day 17 — Someone from your childhood

Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be

Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad

Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest

Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression

Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to

Day 23 — The last person you kissed

Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory

Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times

Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to

Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day

Day 28 — Someone that changed your life

Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to

Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror

- hm, im thinking of doing this one here, or maybe in my personal tumblr? the one no one can see? haha!

Dear JEMA

Let me just start off by saying that I love all of you, oh so much. But it's time to face the truth. You guys know that when you say JEMA, you are basically saying "Jazmin, Jizel, Angel, Aimee". You can deny it all you want, but you know that its true. We all know why Erica is MIA. And well, its not like I have a choice.. It's official. There is officially this drift between us. And its like me, then all of you. Call me weird or stupid but I cry to myself everytime I see pictures of the 4 of you together. What makes it worse, is that sometimes you have em with Mela. Call me greedy or whatever, but I just get really jealous and I dont know .... I just break down and cry. It's not even your fault either. You guys are just living your life. And well, at least you all have each other. I dont. I guess I'm just jealous. But, this drift is killing me. Whenever something happens to me, you are always the ones I want to turn to first. But, I just can't do it anymore. &Jah, you know you're like my ultimate bestfriend. And well, even we drifted. We used to be super close. The distance didnt even affect our relationship, at all. Hmph. I guess I'm just sad. I miss all of you. I just want to be with you guys .... Is this goodbye? Nair! Haha. It is a "see you when I see you" thing though. You can all continue living your life, and I'll continue living mine..... Im sorry if I disturbed you if you were doing anything important, but I just had to get this off my chest, haha ....

When I fall in love

I fall. You would think that I've learned my lesson by now. I fall too deep in love with the wrong guys, and I send off the true, genuine ones because in my head, I don't think that they're good enough. What a fool I am. I never thought to myself that maybe I'm the one that's not good enough for them. With Mikhael, I was so insecure. I was so shocked that I had gotten the most perfect boyfriend out there. I even told him that, I didn't deserve him. He told me I was foolish. Then proceeded to telling me how much he loved me. Then, I let him go. What the hell is wrong with me? Seriously. Can somebody tell me? :(

There have been multiple times in my life

where I would much rather die. And this school year, I have been feeling very suicidal, haha! But take it as a joke, dont take me seriously. I will never kill myself. Its the suicidal feeling, that I get. Where I just want to cut, make myself pass out, or do a whole bunch of unnecessary things that will make me feel better. But then that feeling went away, cause for once, I was truly happy again, but now, its coming back. And all because of three people. -_-

I have always loved my parents. But recently , Ive been acting like such a brat. Like, seriously. When ate was like this, I told myself, I will never do that when I get older. And I dont know why, but I just get easily pissed off nowadays. IDK why. But im making that stop NOW. Our lesson in values today taught me a really valueable lesson. I need to learn to love my parents no matter what. And to top it off, Sir Val made us watch this video, it was a letter from parents to their child. And it just made me bawl, cause most of the things they said, I could relate to. Im going to stop acting like a brat. I am going to start treating them with respect. Im not saying it as if I havent respected them before, I mean I will respect them even more now. I will be appreciative and I wont slam doors anymore. I know that everything they do is for my own benefits. Not theirs, not any one elses. It just really made me bawl my eyes out when Sir Val said, You never know, the moment you go home, your parents could be gone. I just couldn't handle the thought of that. And then I thought about it some more. My parents aren't young. They are middle-aged already. Which means, I dont have much time with them. Which is why I must change. Ive been thinking about this for a long time now. I cant keep acting like the way Ive been acting recently. If my daughter treated me this way, I wouldve given her away months ago. But no. My mom has put up with it and she continues to become the strongest woman I know. I love her to death. I love them to death.

&I agree with Sir Val.

If I were to relive my life again, I would still choose my parents over anybody else's.

I dont even know whats going on anymore :( I just want to scream at the top of my lungs. I mean, yes. Being single is fun, you can talk to whoever you want. But im the type of girl who needs to be talking to someone :( Cause if I dont, I get vulnerable and I start losing all of my self confidence. I miss "talking" to guys. And as wrong as it sounds, thats just the way it is. I miss having someone to talk to every night. I miss having that someone special. I mean, when I had that someone special, I was more focused on my schoolwork. Now, I just cant seem to focus. Fuck this shit, I shouldnt even be feeling this. Its probably just the jealousy talking. Or maybe the loneliness? I want to get out of here. I want to run away. I want to go back to the bay :(

Someone save me.

Someone grab me, slap me, and tell me everythings going to be alright.

Im starting to fall for you, again

but I cant! I just cant. Cause it will cause a lot of problems :(

I dont know what to do anymore :(( I really dont want to lose you , but the way you act just makes me go crazy, to the point where I just want to break down and cry.